Hello
by Tigerdust
Summary: Based on several songs, the night after "Exit Wounds" and beyond. Iant's POV mostly. Racy, but not smutty. You want to read this.
1. Chapter 1

The dark. When you're a child, you often fear it. Sometimes, when you are an adult, the same thing can happen. I don't know the exact time or place it happens, I can't really remember back that far, but I know it did. Sometimes, though, I wonder.

_Playground, school bell rings again_

_Rain clouds come to play again_

Jack is here with me tonight. I wasn't sure he would be. I wouldn't blame him if he wanted to be alone. I'm rarely sure of what I want. It's only been a single day. One night has come through since she left my life.

_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

_Hello?_

Jack's so much more needy tonight then normal. Trying to cheer Gwen up; Gwen who rests in the arms of Rhys tonight. I sigh deeply as his lips explore and touch my body in the dark, in the comfort. In the comfort of not having to look at me while he bites back his tears.

_I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to_

_Hello_

The dark can be comforting sometimes. A place where no one can see you or only sees what you choose them to see. That makes the dark dangerous and twisted. Maybe we still fear it as adults? Maybe for different reasons.

_If I smile and don't believe_

_Soon I know I'll wake from this dream_

His lips, they touch me. They make sure that I am tangible and his. The moon comes in through the blinds, dusting our bodies in its eerie glow. I shut my eyes briefly, one tear wrestling its way to my pillow. I try watching his lips move every which way. It's not working.

_Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken_

_Hello?_

That picture is still there. I may never have the courage to put it away. For most of our lives and our jobs, there is no documentation. The hazard, the high risk of it all won't allow for it. But Torchwood Three was never known for following the rules, was it?

_I'm the lie living for you so you can hide_

_Don't cry_

I reach out in the middle of Jack's crescendo at the picture. I'm tempted to turn the light on and look at it. Wishing and praying that she could for once have felt what I feel with Jack. Whatever it is beyond the touching and kissing that we have.

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping_

_Hello_

We were happy that day. I remember it vividly. The very day before Owen was killed, the first time, Gwen takes us to a football match. I remember having to sit next to Jack a row down from Gwen, Owen, and Tosh to keep him in check. The players were very attractive, that was their reasoning. I smiled, remembering the lie and the thought behind it. They thought they were giving us a first date.

_I'm still here_

_All that's left of yesterday_

They took this picture shortly after we appeared on the big screen, just under a group of painted boys proclaiming their love for Manchester United. We all had a good laugh and went out afterwards for drinks.

I don't turn the light on because I can still see it in my mind's eye. A hot dog in Owen's hand. Gwen's yellow scarf with red fringe. Jack in the over sized novelty team sweater. Tosh waving her little pennant. And me.

My hand brushes the frame and then there was Jack, bringing me back. I feel as though I rise inches off the bed, moved by his pure lust. My white sheets glow in the darkness, his skin with sweat.

And suddenly I know I'm not sleeping. That somehow, we are still here. All that's left of yesterday. And all that will be when the darkness ends tomorrow.

Creator's Note: Evanescence owns the song. TW staff owns the characters. I kind of own the blending cause I don't think anyone else has thought of it (although I could be wrong about that, it's a big fanfic world). If you listen to it, you can almost hear Ianto talking over the sound of piano and violins in the breaks. It just went. I know I promised no more dwelling on Exit Wounds, but with material and muses like these, who can resist? It all started with one word. Dark. Take that, tamingthemuse prompt!


	2. Chapter 2

Creator's Note: I'm not Josh Gracin, but man, me and him? That might have won American Idol. The song is "We Weren't Crazy" and I like the idea of the melding of darkness and sunlight, hence chapter 2.

And yes, I changed a couple of words because I'm pretty sure Torchwood won't be moving to California. If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't worry.

--On With the Show!--

The sunlight. Wasn't there a song that said that you shouldn't let the sun catch you crying? It was one of my mother's favorites. Probably still would be if she hadn't gotten cancer a few years before I met Lisa. Lisa, my head twists into a small pout thinking of her. It's still bittersweet and kind of raw, but then I look to my left. And there is Jack, driving at his normal insane speeds.

_We headed out past Cardiff_

_Everybody tried to warn us_

_Said we wouldn't make it any further_

_Then that worn out Chevy would_

I almost couldn't believe it. Owen left us something in his will. A week after the reactor melted down and all they found was his indestructible Torchwood id, I, or more specifically Tosh and I, received a large envelope from his lawyer's office. In the contents of the will were several pen knives made of pure silver for Jack, several items for Tosh which promptly accumulated tears on the sheet, a perfume set he bought for Gwen that totaled into nearly two hundred pounds, and something for me. A cabin in the country.

_We broke down a time or two_

_Thought maybe we didn't think it through_

_We were all we had to turn to_

_When it wasn't looking good_

I can still see the handwriting. "I hereby bequeath to the affectionately-dubbed "tea boy" ,one Ianto Jones, a cabin in the country that my father left me. I chuckle slightly, thinking of the morning before the cannibals invaded our lives. I suspected his father didn't really get him a cabin in the country. Maybe Owen had a soft spot for us after all. I had always suspected as much.

_Looking back laughing_

_'Cause they called us crazy_

Gwen and Rhys were barely inseparable now. He'd joined us on various Weevil hunts since Gwen was with child. Jack and I had a running bet, featuring a stop watch, that she'd name the child Owen or Toshiko, based on the gender. She might even have twins in there. They're riding in a separate car from us, listening to some very questionable music.

_We were young, we were wild, we were restless_

_Had to go, Had to fly, Had to get away_

_Took a chance on that feeling baby_

The glass of the window is cool and I can feel the rays of the sallow sun hitting my fingers invisibly. I roll my windows down as we pass rows and rows of green grass, inhaling the scent. I splay my fingers into the wind and it feels right, like a release passing through me. We are Torchwood, mostly alone. We have each other though, especially on weekends like this. Weekends when Martha has promised she won't let the world end without us there.

_We were loving blind, borderline reckless_

_We were living for the minute we were spinning in_

_Maybe we were a lot of things_

_But we weren't crazy_

Jack and Rhys decide to cook while Gwen and I walk in comfortable silence, touring the two levels and the attic of the emaculate and warm place. Owen had even had a stylist come in, shades of red dotting cream walls. Several bedrooms in different shades. Gwen gasps as she enters the purple bedroom, the glint in her eyes and her fluttering eyeshadow. I know Owen touched her even then, this plan and surprise meant to comfort her. In retrospect, I can't help but grin a bit wider.

_Just a couple kids a couple years ago_

_Now we gotta couple kids of our own_

_We turned out right, proved them wrong_

_Look at us going strong_

The scent of popcorn and the roar of laughter while "Young Frankenstein" plays fills the night. I can't remember the times before I laughed without a hint of bitterness. I lose myself in the genius of Mel Brooks, Jack guffawing heartily by my side. Two couches, two pairs of lovers, four very different personalities and lives drawn by youth, and tragedy, and a hope. A hope that we can survive.

_Looking back laughing_

_Cause they called us crazy_

I meet Jack on the balcony later as he stairs under the stars, a deep sigh.

"What are you thinking about?" My hand graces his back, my head tilts so that my eyes meet his.

"Owen. And Tosh. I remember how much he hated the country. He said so himself."

_We were young, we were wild, we were restless_

_Had to go, Had to fly, Had to get away_

_Took a chance on that feeling baby_

Jack chuckles and Ianto snorts a bit, lost in thought. "I remember that fight he had with Gwen after Lisa. She fumed, pretending to be angry about the autopsy room. But it was all over her face, wasn't it?"

"She never hid emotions well, did she?"

_We were loving blind, borderline reckless_

_We were living for the minute we were spinning in_

_Maybe we were a lot of things_

_But we weren't crazy_

"What are you two doing, sneaking out here then? Weren't we going to play charades?"

"Oh, I'll own you all in charades."

"Is that a challenge, Jack Harkness?"

"Call it what you must."

_Could've set it down_

_When things got tough_

_Could've walked away from this love_

_But that would have been crazy_


	3. Chapter 3

CREATOR'S NOTE: DEATH FIC, THIS WILL MAKE YOU SAD!

I'll just say that I saw PS: I Love You for the first time last night and while it had more potential than it had movie (more than just trying to find a hot Irish guy for myself), it inspired me. I like the way this story is slightly full circle and the song is something uncharacteristic of me. The mark of a true "Woodie" fanficcer is one who can hear a song and set it to their pair (Jack/Ianto, in my case). The song is by Leona Lewis, "Keep Bleeding Love." Still with me? Oh yes, and I own nothing!

--On With the Show!--

_It seemed only reasonable to destroy something you loved, Mr. Harkness._ His words rang through Jack's ears, hurricanes of force behind psychotic eyes. Billis was the Master all over again; unsuspected but demonic. He was the worst kind of human, the worst kind of traitor to us all.

Closed off from love

I didn't need the pain

Ianto Jones was dead. He died not as a hero, but as meat, weevil fodder produced by Mr. Manger for his own enjoyment, my suffering for his enjoyment. All around me, I can see Ianto in his hope, his trust, and his expectation of the great adventure we were on. I am immortal. It is on these days when I wish...what does it matter what I wish?

Once or twice was enough

And it was all in vain

I wish I had not found him moments too late, the sound of Gwen piercing Mr. Manger's head with two righteous bullets while I looked away. In the end, he may have gotten exactly what he wanted. I hope he rots with his god. No, rotting is too good for the man who created claw marks through Ianto's rib cage. Ianto left this world the way he last left my arms, with a hint of a smile. And one lass kiss from me.

But something happened

For the very first time with you

Gwen follows me gingerly, not knowing what to expect as I obliterate my emotions, hobbling between the anger and the wrecked sadness I feel. The things we did, but never did. The words, the secrets, the universes we lived together. Robbed is what we are at Torchwood. Robbed is what we will always be.

My heart melts into the ground

Found something true

There is something to who Ianto was that could never be boxed. But we box because we have to move, to live on. We box because that part of Ianto who gave us courage and strength does live, does have to live. And I've lived now through three teams. I don't even look at Gwen anymore, who could blame me? I sent her on a slow march to death.

I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

I do remember the night after though, with vivid clarity. I stood there, alone, by the coffee machine and looked at the monstrous calliope of metal and steam. I hated it so, for all it stood for. The backbone, the motivation, the wit of Torchwood. If Gwen is our ever-beating heart, Ianto is the soul and spine, keeping that heart erect. I haven't seen Gwen in three days. Torchwood Three is dead.

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

She came back to see his farewell video, announcing to me the birth of her twin boys Owen and Ianto. Somehow, it seems wrong to think of Ianto Williams, but it seems fitting. He had so many dreams, so many plans he sacrificed for Lisa, for me, for Torchwood. It was there, seeing and hearing him on screen that I registered nothing but an overwhelming urge to destroy the computer, to block out the pain.

My heart's crippling by the vein

I keep on closing

That screaming calliope of a coffee machine was ripped to shreds. Gwen's last day at Torchwood, after the video is finished I'll hand her a retcon pill she probably won't take, but I don't care at this point because I'm leaving for Glasgow in two days, and she walked in. My shirt ripped asunder, pieces of metal crashed to the floor. I jostle between sleep and tears, trying to let out my bereavement and knowing, just knowing I've done it again. I allowed myself to love.

Trying hard not to hear

But they talk so loud

Captain Jack Harkness is an idiot. An idiot with a blue mug that sits on his desk. A light blue mug with pictures of a cloud and Snoopy as a World War fighting ace. A regifted gag from Owen to Ianto last year. Gwen and I move to my office and she brings around the chair. I sit, watching, my knuckles buried into my teeth, silent for the first time in a long time.

Their piercing sound fills my ears

Tries to fill me with doubt

"Hello. I'm Ianto Jones and I'm guessing that this is not a happy occasion. Truth is, I must be dead and my guess is that Torchwood is in shambles. Gwen hasn't shown up in three days, Owen is cranky, Tosh is as quiet as a church mouse, and Jack, well, Jack is Jack. I suppose here you'll want a goodbye or an explanation about my life. But I have none. I gave what I had to you. To you all. Hidden solace, a favorite beverage, a misplaced joke to ease the tension. I gave my life and in return I gained so much more. Please, don't quit like I assume you are tragically about to do. Don't quit because one little dot on the road map took you off the course you thought you were going on. Remember Lisa, Jack? Don't let me be your Lisa. There's never enough time to say it all. I'm sorry that it had to be this way. I loved you."

But nothing's greater 

Than the rush that comes from your embrace

And in this world of loneliness, I see your face

Gwen stood white-faced, tears gone completely. Without understanding or knowing why, Rhys steps from the shadows. I hadn't noticed, but why not he be here?

"Jack, I..."

"Will I see you in the morning? This Rift won't protect itself."

Gwen nods and bites her lip. It was his last directive to us, not to give up. He was right about that. Gwen and Rhys move away slowly, but we are still linked together. I sigh. It's three days later when I finally get around to checking my mailbox. And there it was, addressed to me with no return address.

_Dear Jack,_

_If you are receiving this letter, then my video has played and I've already informed my mum and cousin through a life monitor I gave them a few Christmases back when they stopped inquiring about my life. It's easier that way, they'd not want to know really. I won't go into the details. Thank you for following my wishes, which I'm sure you are. You never could quite say no to a cute man in a suit, could you? In poor taste? Well, I'm dead. What are you going to do about it?_

_Jack, I didn't want to die. I did want to live forever, knowing it would be impossible. I didn't want to feel and I'm not sure you wanted to either. Going through this so often must destroy you, like Lisa all over again for me, once or twice a century. Please, though, don't hide. I don't want a basement. I'm living now in some green land somewhere and holding a cup of coffee for you. Owen and Tosh are probably driving me stark mad at this point._

_Go on, Jack, don't crawl into another shell. You must permit yourself to feel, if not for yourself, then for me. Feel because I want you to. I want you to hold another securely in your arms. I want another to have you. I know it won't be the same, but nothing was ever since that first kiss. Incidentally, was that just a kiss of life or was it more? I do have a confession to make. I really never cared what others thought of you. And not just because of worship turned to crush turned to more. It was because you made me more._

_Give someone else a chance to feel that. Do it for me if you have to. Go on, force yourself. Your charm is like a ball rolling away from the sun and picking up speed along the way. Go to that little dive Indy owns and tell him I'm gone. Dance with Green. Go hiking. Take up a hobby. Don't drink coffee ever again. I'm kidding about that last one. For the sake of my memory and every around you, live Jack! _

_That's all I really have to say except that if you destroyed my machine out of anger or depression; I'm going to haunt you till the end of time._

_Sincerely,_

_Ianto Jones_

_PS: I Love You._

Keep bleeding, I keep bleeding love


End file.
